No matter who we are, even siblings growing up together, we are uniquely different due to our personalities. As we grow older, our life experiences outside the home further shape these personalities.
I was born to a forty-year-old single mother, and 18 months later, my parents legally divorced. My mom worked as a live-in maid, so home was a servant's quarters where she worked. For the first five years of my life, I lacked for nothing, as my mom's employer and their family helped take care of me. Only recently did I realize the immense impact that phase had on my life and how I approached it. Why? During those critical first five years, the foundation for having my emotional and financial needs met was laid.
When we occasionally visited my mom’s friends or our family during those early years, I found it difficult to get along with most kids my age. This worried my mom, prompting her to get me out of the isolation I was growing up in. At five years old, my mom and I moved out of the servant's quarters and into a one-bedroom flat. As a kid, the move didn't bother me much; it was the people who took some getting used to.
My mom's employer was a white family living in an all-white neighborhood where I spent the first five years of my life. Now, in Roodewal, a poor brown area in Worcester, I was a brown child with a white accent and manners—I ate every meal with a knife and fork. For most of my pre-teen years, I was ridiculed for my mannerisms, like saying "please" and "thank you," by older kids and some adults in the neighborhood. This left a lasting mark on me. Later, I realized that this treatment was common in many people's lives. Even well-known figures like Miley Cyrus and Chris Rock have shared stories of rough school years.
The next 18 years living with a working single mom taught me about independence, being comfortable alone, and how to avoid conflict. The early experiences, before our move, made me hunger for what was. This was thanks to my mom's encouragement to try things, even when I failed, she would talk me into trying again. At times harshly if she saw I wanted to give up. This instilled in me a can-do-will-try attitude. To me, my mom was a constant, and her faith in God was her constant. Following her example, I strive to be a constant for my family and others, grounded in God as my constant.
My mom was the only person I could depend on all my life. Experience taught me that people, whether your spouse, children, or a stranger on the street, expect your best while often requiring you to be content with their not-so-best. Being happy sometimes means doing what is counterintuitive, like, as mentioned, always giving your best. I will elaborate more on this when explaining the five pillars.
Here, I have provided a broad overview of what shaped me during the first 23 years of my life. During this time, I developed an optimistic yet realistic outlook on life. My motto is to treat others the way you want to be treated. First, it is to set an example of your expectations. Second, if you decide to walk away, you won't feel guilty for not doing your part; cause you did. Yes, some people will try to take advantage, but you should stay true to grounded principles. And third, pray.